Extreme Couponing, Love Is Apparently Blind. & My Feet Are Killing Me

I have been at home for 37 days since getting out of the convalescent/rehab. Once the pain subsided in my leg, I was left with a daily routine that the word boredom could not possibly define. My daily routine consists of waking up, hopping into the bathroom on my trusty walker, showering, skin/hair care, getting coffee and my Ensure drink, taking Tylenol and weening off Morphine and then sitting in my chair for 10 hours. Occasionally getting up to use the restroom, get a snack or do laundry. On the days when friends, family and clients come to visit it is great. It breaks up the day with laughter and outings around downtown, them pushing me uphill in my wheelchair while I try to assist in rolling. It’s wonderful how many people have come to see me, feed and call/text me. No matter how grateful I am for all of it, and I am so very grateful, there is such a loneliness that sets in when you can’t fend for yourself and are pretty much housebound. It took me three weeks to figure out how to get out of my building because the doors were so heavy but I finally did it last week. My arms are much stronger so wheeling around in my building is much easier now.

I have been gifted books both literature as well as coloring books-pictures and profanity ones, origami books, countless coloring pens and pencils, string lights and hair scrunchies to name a few. I’ve been to the salon, with assistance to satisfy my OCD and put things back to “where they belong” and unpack boxes. Really my friends and family unpack and put away everything while I sit in my four tire throne and tell them what to do. I have been to San Rafael Joe’s more times in the past month then I think in my entire life and then I go back home to sit.

So with all of the sitting I have turned to TV. Now normally television and I have a love/hate relationship. It’s usually background noise that I listen to while I do tasks around the house, salon books or play a game on my phone after work. I usually will listen to pretty shallow stuff that I don’t really need to pay attention to like most of the Real Housewives of Whatever City. I can only play an app game for so long before I’m disinterested in it so now I have to find content that will hold my attention. Let’s review the absolute mindless crap that’s on TV, that held my-she’s down the rabbit hole- attention.

EXTREME COUPONING: This show follows, mostly stay at home mom’s, trying to spend as little on groceries as they possibly can. For instance, Amanda and Jess are BFF’s that love dumpster diving in the recycle bin for as many coupons as they can get. They are extreme coupon champions. Their goal is to get most items for $0 or they set a limit of maybe $10-$12 for an entire shopping trip. The register may say that they owe $1200 but by the time they have handed over all their coupons, in maybe 50 transactions depending on the store policy, they come away with a 99% savings. They fill all of their shelving units with 300 toothpaste, 400 Totino’s frozen pizza, 230 disposable razors and of course 63 bottles of mustard. Did you know that unopened mustard never spoils? Me neither. The couponers get real nervous towards the final bill, always telling the checker that has been ringing their loot for 4-5 hours that they only have $20 on them so it better not go over that amount. If I was the checker that was helping them, I would quit, but that’s just me. Another episode was of a woman named Zadia who would drag her teenage daughter with her on her epic 6 hour grocery shopping extravaganza. This daughter was very displeased because she was forced to be away from the internet for too long. Zadia’s goal was to get 100% of groceries for free. She would donate a lot of snack items to the the JV football and volleyball teams which was nice. She succeeded in her goal of everything free but had to find an item for $1.58 exactly because she was owed that much by the store from all of her coupons and the store’s policy was not to give YOU money for groceries. It took one hour to find an item for exactly $1.58. Hey Zadia, have you ever seen the show Extreme Hoarders? No? You should watch it, I think it would inspire you on your next trip to the Piggly Wiggly.

LOVE IS BLIND: From a strong suggestion through my friend Scott, basically forcing me to watch this show I tuned in to this beauty on Netflix. The premise of this show explained by Nick Lachey and his head ticking wife Vanessa, is “Is Love Really Blind?” “How do we know?” What if 12 women and 12 men, separated by a thin wall in a “pod” could have conversations, really really deep conversations (insert a long eye roll) and then at the end of three dates/conversations they have to decide whether they want to get married. I can’t make this up. Six of these couples decide that they found their soulmates and pop the question, through the wall. Then the females get dressed up in their most skanky clothes to meet their fiancé for the first time face to face. They all like what they see except for Jessica, more on her later. The six couples go off to a pre-honeymoon in Cancun for a few days to see if they are sexually compatible, except for the ones that hold off having sex (Jessica) and then they come back to Atlanta where they all live. They are required to live in an apartment building (each couple in their own apartment) on the weekends together for the next three weeks while they plan their weddings, meet each others friends and family and shop for wedding attire. Apparently, coexisting outside of the pod is not as easy as they thought it would be and a lot of fighting ensues. I felt like that could be a slight possibility but who am I not to believe in this ridiculous “experiment”? Jessica doesn’t care for the ten year age gap between her and Mark, she being the elder, nor does she care for Marks face or body. But rest assured, even though she is lusting after one of the other contestants that didn’t pick her she still states that Mark is her soulmate who she strings along so she can stay on the show and be near the object of her affection. Whenever she sees hunky Barnett, she gets bombed on Vodka, speaks in a baby voice and tries to get Barnett to say he’s not into skanky and wildly promiscuous Amber. This show is a delightful study of how much attention people need. As the days go by and the wedding day gets closer, true colors are shown and doubts start to surface. Finally the wedding(s) day arrives, everyone gets beautified and gussied up to walk down the aisle. Side note, as a hairstylist, the wedding do’s are god awful and come to think of it, the hair on the show is generally horrendous. The officiant, parents, siblings and friends are all in attendance and when they get to the part of “…do you take this man/woman…” is when the bride/groom to be, decides and states whether they will or won’t go through with it. Out of the 5 couples that made it to the alter, one couple didn’t make it past Cancun due to his love of both sexes that he never disclosed in his honest pod sessions, it was pretty clear who would say I do and who wouldn’t. Please do not misunderstand my sarcasm, I was completely invested in this show and had to see it through. Tomorrow the reunion episode will air and I had to set a reminder to watch it. God help me.

MY FEET ARE KILLING ME: I’m pretty sure any show found on TLC is of an extreme nature and usually super gross. This footy show, focuses on deformities, diseases and syndromes that you never knew existed for unfortunate patients that show up for the two Podiatrist that are featured. From completely fungal toenails that are curling over the tops of toes to a lady with 6 toes on each foot, they run the gamut of painful yet disgusting disorders that need to be fixed. What I find the most disgusting is when the doc might have to take a dremel grinding tool or 6″ nail clippers to the affected nails and never wears a mask or protective eye wear. There is literally nail chunks and fungus dust flying all over and the doctors face is just as close as it can be to the nastiness. I do feel for these people but it grosses me out so much that one episode was enough for me.

Thankfully tomorrow I have an appointment with the friendly surgeon where I will take X-rays and find out if my bones are healed. If they are, I will start PT and get on with my life. If not I will have to find happiness in these four walls for a few more weeks. Non diseased fingers and toes crossed!